Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mole Wackery, Or "How I And Ariel Spent Winter Vacation"

The exhaustation of a well-spent day of inspirated work is, like, totally the greatest thing and stuff. I and Ariel have been working almost might even say, "obsessively" on getting a mole out of the back yard.

Usually such a project is light work and stuff. I or Ariel will cock a ear toward the ground. Then we will get ourselves totally and completely and positively and ....what's another synonym for "totally"? ...anyways, we get real still-like and wait for a scritchy dirt sound that only I or Ariel could hear. Or we detect just the ever-so-slightest movement in the ground. Then, suddenly -- and without warning -- we pounce. I should say, we POUNCE! I should say it that way because it more aptly depicts the aggressive use of force, speed, power, and stuff of which I and Ariel, acting as a two-dog mole-wrecking crew can reek on the unsuspecting blind dirt-dweller's world.

Carnage. That's what I and Ariel cause around the mole world.

I imagine that at the offices of the "Mole Times And Mole World Report" all the mole reporters and mole writers and mole pundits know I and Ariel by our names.........and those names bring dread and fear.


But I and Ariel are going through a little dry spell lately. Speedy, sly, crafty though we may be in employing our mole killing craft, it seems that the latest mole must be, like, Supermole or something. Yeah, Supermole. That's it. And I and Ariel have not yet found the mole kryponite necessary to weaken the varmit.

So far the devastation I and Ariel have been able to rain down on this world has been, like, totally limited to John Bauman and Dar Bauman's back yard. Specifically, one of the flower beds they tend in their back yard.

We haven't yet broken the news to John Bauman and Dar Bauman. But I'm sure they'll be understanding.

Yours in blog-doggin'

BZ Bauman


  1. i hope that your efforts prove fruitful..maddie (the black dog) and i (owen, the hound dog) are sleeping on the couch and chair respectively 'cause we own this place. good luck out there.

  2. Dear Owen,

    I and Ariel chose not to own this place. Once we discovered that we could run the place and destroy the place, we decided that ownership was an unnecessary extra step that did not add anything to the happiness quotient and stuff.

    I and Ariel should have you and Maddie over for bones and tug games. That would be totally cool and stuff. I don't know too many other hounds, but I bet we could do some outrageous howling together.


  3. Hi,

    Nick, Barney and I (Sassy) hope that you were able to dig up those moles in your yard. If not we are dachshunds and LOVE to dig and would love to come over and help. Our Mommmy, says that our yard looks just like yours, and we are just little things compared to you! We love to dig for moles and I have even been known to open cabinets for mice in the house too. Have to keep the house free of varmits too ya know. When we are exhausted from our daily digs we take naps in the big bed on Mommy's big down comforter, sometimes crawling burrowing inside. So you do that too? Well we are off to ring in the New Year, but we will probably be sleeping when the clock strikes 12, right along with Mom.


  4. Sassy,

    One of the most awesomely inspirating dog stories that I, Breeze, have ever heard in my entire two years of life involved two dachshunds and the DRIVE of a Dodge Ram Hemi to do what comes natural.

    The two dachshunds were left IN CRATES at opposite ends of a room. SHE was in season. HE knew it. He REALLY knew it.

    The master was away, and this canine Romeo says to canine Juliet, "Heck with sleeping potions and daggers. We gots to find us a way!!"

    Dachshund Juliet says, "Forsooth."

    Remember the window scene from Animal House? Bluto has climbed a ladder to Tom-peep a coed. As she moves to a different window, Bluto, rather than climbing down and repositioning the ladder, instead hops with the entire ladder...BOUNCE...BOUNCE...HOP...HOP

    Well, the dachshund Romeo bounced and rolled and every-which-way moved heaven, earth, and a very cumbersome dog crate all the way across the room and found a willing him as he was finally able to sidle the crates side by each.

    When I heard this story, all I -- Breeze -- could say was...


    Dachshunds are, like totally overdrive, man.

  5. Breeze, I read your story to Morgan and she went right out to tell our neighbour Maggy. They think it's hilarious. At least, I think they are talking about it because first Morgan barks and then Maggy barks and then Morgan wags and Maggy wags and then Morgan barks and then Maggy barks ... I hope all the other neighbours think it's funny too. They must, because not one of them has called city hall to complain. Yet.

    Thanks for the awesome story. Keep them coming!

    your pal, sekhmet
    Oh, I thought I should tell you that Morgan stood and stared at your picture for quite a long time the other day and then she wagged. And she's great at mole hunting too!